Trial Lawyer and leading communication expert JEFFERSON FISHER reveals how gaslighting and narcissism work, why people don’t listen to you, and the courtroom tricks for respect and power!
Jefferson Fisher is a Texas trial lawyer and leading communication expert. He is the founder of Fisher Firm, creator of The Jefferson Fisher School of Communication, and author of the book, “The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More”.
He explains:
◼️The fastest way to spot a narcissist in under 30 seconds
◼️The phrase that instantly exposes gaslighting
◼️Why people stop respecting you mid conversation
◼️The courtroom trick that makes people listen
◼️How to control any conversation without raising your voice
00:00 Intro
02:43 These Communication Skills Will Change Your Life and Career Trajectory
09:27 How to Have Control Over Conversations
12:01 The Psychology Behind Feeling Comfortable in Any Conversation
15:29 How Your Body Language Can Influence Others’ Opinions
20:25 The Traits of Confident People
22:28 Dealing With Difficult Conversations and Gaslighters
24:25 The Words Gaslighters Use Against You
30:47 The Attachment Style Most at Risk of Being Gaslighted
39:06 This Is What Manipulators and Narcissists Do
42:42 How to Stop a Narcissist
49:02 Your Reactions Reveal So Much About You
51:09 How to Stop Being Easily Triggered
54:47 How Being Honest With People Can Help You
01:00:22 How Our Parents’ Arguments Shaped Our Love Relationships
01:15:07 Find Your Priorities and Set Your Boundaries
01:17:08 People Pleasers
01:22:49 Relationship Arguments: Can They Be Good?
01:25:11 A Big Indicator That Something Really Matters to Your Partner
01:33:06 The Secret to Spot Anyone Being Fake
01:34:46 The Fake Laughs
01:41:53 These Small Moments Will Have the Biggest Impact on Impressions
01:53:18 Top 5 Things to Become the Best Communicator at Anything
02:02:49 Phones Have Become Our Pacifier to Remove Anxiety
02:04:12 Stop Overexplaining
02:07:58 The Power of Taking Pauses to Think
02:10:38 One of the Best Traits of Leaders
02:17:31 How to Help Someone Grieving
02:26:56 The Counterattack to Bullies: Expose Them
02:34:10 Huge Relationship Unlock: Energy Checking With Your Parent
02:40:03 The Predictor If a Relationship Will Last
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📝 Transcript
Transcribing... This may take a few minutes.
Top Comments
@TheDiaryOfACEO
Do you like these types of convos? If so please hit the like button on the vid - that’s the best way to vote for more like this ❤ also, would be doing me a big favour if you could subscribe - its free 🙏🏾appreciate you! - SB
677 likes
@vanillagorilla__
Writing a summary of this just in case you don't have 3 hours
• Authenticity and presence are key to influence.
• Reduce distractions to improve focus.
• Handle sadness and conflict constructively.
• Being right is less important than resolution.
• Match the other person's rhythm to gain influence.
• Confident communicators control their emotional responses.
• Big emotional reactions signal insecurity, not truth.
• Controlled delivery enhances message credibility.
• Slowing down and lowering volume draws people in.
• Project confidence by acting like you belong.
• Acting calm after setbacks signals confidence.
• Authentic people aren't trying to prove anything.
• Gaslighting alters your reality, not just tells lies.
• Limit interaction with gaslighters to protect yourself.
• Narcissists seek praise or provocation for control.
• Don't chase their words; stay grounded.
• Unbotheredness stems from self-awareness, not apathy.
• Reactions determine how others interpret events.
• Laughing at insults disarms bullies.
• Emotions and hormones impact communication readiness.
• Authenticity is relatable; perfection isn't.
• Validate feelings, even if you disagree.
• Stand up for yourself to avoid future powerlessness.
• Prioritize your needs; don't concede to future failures.
• Validate feelings without compromising your truth.
• Defend hobbies and personal time; it's essential.
• Strength of will and mind is attractive.
• Define your priority to protect your relationships.
• Be real, not just "nice," to build genuine connection.
• People-pleasing conflates approval with self-worth.
• Arguments can reveal deeper understanding.
• Childhood trauma shapes communication patterns.
• Generational cycles repeat unless consciously broken.
• People judge others based on how they treat others.
• Giving time is the most valuable gift you can offer.
• Humility means recognizing your own flaws.
• Small, genuine interactions are most memorable.
• Authenticity builds trust over time.
• Reduce distractions to increase presence.
• Frequent talking diminishes message impact.
• Confidence comes from acknowledging what you don't know.
• Leaders deliver both good and bad news calmly.
• Validate others' feelings during grief.
• Don't offer help if you can't follow through.
• Validate your partner's feelings first.
• Asking for a "reset" is a powerful tool.
• Slice big issues into smaller, manageable parts.
• A relationship isn't 50/50; carry each other's load.
• Conflict can deepen relationships and foster growth.
• Repairing conflict is more important than avoiding it.
• The book addresses relatable, real-life problems.
• Authenticity resonates with readers.
• Conversation cards foster deep connections.
• Limited edition gold cards are available now.
• Mentors provide anchors in life.
142 likes
@livingharmonics
Steven, I realized today that I listen to many of your episodes not because of the guest, but because of you. Your questions open doors people don’t usually walk through, and I genuinely learn by watching that happen. Your growth as an interviewer is a big part of why this podcast works.
274 likes
@TopgunB
This is what I have learned to do concerning dealing with narcissistic personality disorder.
1. Know that they will not accept any logical argument that they are wrong.
2. They are experts at twisting reality to fit their view and make you doubt yourself. Be aware it is like an illness that you cannot fix or cure.
3. Be yourself and never react or get upset--they love it, they thrive on it, they feed on control and conflict.
4. Remain calm no matter what. Concentrate on changing your emotion from anger to pity. Remind yourself that they are sick and deluded-- see them the same way as you would see someone with a major physical illness.
5. Set calm rock solid boundaries. Show them that you are supremely confident in your conviction. Do not enter into debate it will just upset you and you will get nowhere. Kill debate with "Lets agree to disagree" showing them you are unflappable, and cannot be manipulated.
6. Winning is retaining your peace of mind and sense of self. It is not changing the narcissist's behaviour beliefs or actions in any way, or getting revenge. You cannot fight darkness with darkness. You cannot make them suffer but know that they suffer continually, they seldom have peace of mind. It is exhausting and unfulfilling making so many external things essential to their happiness. It is un-sustainable.
7. If possible, cut them out of your life.
971 likes
@Jovier-jk8cw
Once you can spot it, you can’t unsee it.
A narcissist doesn’t just say hurtful things — they aim them.
They wait until you’ve set boundaries, stepped back, or stopped reacting…
then choose words they know will cut deepest.
They’ll use what you love — a child, a pet, shared history — not because they care, but because you do.
It’s not impulsive. It’s calculated.
If you walked away instead of fighting, that wasn’t weakness.
It was wisdom.
And if you no longer respond, yet they keep trying to hurt you —
that’s not because you failed.
It’s because they’ve lost control.
Seeing it clearly is the beginning of freedom.
42 likes
@ItsLee-uh
“Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience”. I think the same goes for narcissists
205 likes
@dogsmumm
Just in time for everyone who is going to be having Christmas with relatives.
937 likes
@playpal001
The idea that silence has a cost hit me harder than I expected. I’ve always treated staying quiet as the safe, zero-cost option to keep the peace (especially with my family). Realizing that the bill always comes due is very useful to know. Thank you for bringing this courtroom wisdom into our daily lives, Steven.
707 likes
@SpiritualGratitudeCommunity
"Perfection is not relatable, struggle is"
That is one of the greatest quotes I've ever heard... 💯 ❤️ 🏆
121 likes
@bugladyoutdoors1637
The absolute perfect response to someone who is grieving, is drive to the store, purchase an item, flowers, favorite snack, plant, flower and deliver it with a card that says I love you or Im here for you. After a few days, if you can visit the person and literally just do their dishes, take out the trash, tidy up the place, change their bed sheets, heck scrub the bathroom down.
88 likes
@KatKurious-h1d
The way this conversation turned in to men revealing their vulnerabilities, was the most refreshing thing I’ve seen in a very long time. Bravo to both of you for sharing this with women who have been exposed to the opposite for too long, and to the men who haven’t found the space to engage in this type of conversation ❤
85 likes
@SamSmithVev0
I’ve been following him since his first ever car video. I feel like a proud brother seeing him flourish and blow up across the world with his book and all these engagements. He’s great.
167 likes
@anthonyyuhas2308
I am 40yrs old and neurodivergent. For my entire life, any time I do social events, I arrive at least 30min early to scope the place.
I do exactly what he said, walk around, feel things, make it my home. It's the only trick that helps my insane anxiety!
211 likes
@Kübss
I love it when Steven risks taking the heat from the audience and asks the controversial questions. That’s when the most interesting conversations open up.
115 likes
@clementinechawane9883
Jefferson is genuinely kind and caring. Lots to take form this conversation